awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
