i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
