I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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