too bad you live with your parents still
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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