Already got asked if we're dating
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
