I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
