i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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