maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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