a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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