If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
