How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
