so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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