why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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