Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
