i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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