I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
