I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
