I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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