apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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