Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
