It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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