The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
