I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
