Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So squirting runs in the family.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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