if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
