End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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