I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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