I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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