We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
and eventually we just all took our pants off
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
