That's intense
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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