I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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