I think I am morally bankrupt
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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