i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
