he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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