K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
