Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
