I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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