i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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