Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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