around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
