Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
