New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
