I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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