He is an equal opportunity slut.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We just shotgunned beers for America
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
