Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
