Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
