if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
