Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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