Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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