May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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