dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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