i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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