3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Welp...herpes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
