I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
