You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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