i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
