awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm really busy with my period
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