Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
