Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Randomize
