i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
