her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
