She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
