I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
