I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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