Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
