this beer tastes like vomit already
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
