My room smells like vodka and shame
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
