The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
