I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just invented taco cereal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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