proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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