I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
