I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
