garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize