remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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