Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
