Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
