Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
