from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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