Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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