Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
