Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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