Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
