I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
