Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
