I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
