i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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