What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
